by NewarkWilder » Sun Feb 01, 2009 11:54 pm
ok, well i'll be honest about something I don't talk about very much. I have pretty serious health problems-- I have constant non-stop migraine headaches that go from mild to excruciatingly painful on a daily basis. Its technically been diagnosed as "a-typical migraines with daily chronic headache syndrome" which basically means they have no idea what to call it or how to fix it.
One day in March of 2003 I was... erm... gettin it on with my GF at the time and had an episode that they called an "excertional migraine". I thought I was having a freaking aneurysm or stroke or something at the time--worst pain I've ever felt in my life. For about 3 months after that I was in serious, constant pain. Then gradually over time they started to get a little better, but never went away entirely. Almost had exploratory brain surgery, but my CT Scans and MRIs came up normal so the doctors opted not to do that. I have mixed feelings about it now... at the time I was obviously very relieved not to have...yeah, brain surgery, but here we are in 2009 and while my headaches have gotten much less serious since then, still, there they are every day when I wake up.
Maybe the most depressing thing about the situation is that to manage the daily pain I have to take an enormous amount of medicine--including a ton of over the counter stuff like Excedrin and Aleve. This is a combination you are NOT supposed to take for ANY length of time because of the damage it can do to your GI tract. But, I have no alternative. So I also take acid blockers, xantac, and other stomach medicines. They don't help much. I've bled out a couple times and basically live with that being a constant issue I have to deal with. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place, right?
And the absolute worst part of it--I'm a musician. If I'm having a bad headache day, I can't play. I've had to leave concerts, cancel on people for social events, you name it. I'm genuinely afraid to be an active gigging musician because I may be completely unreliable due to all of this. I *can* get things to the point of being manageable enough to play most of the time. But I never really know when its going to be particularly good or bad. This has affected every aspect of my life. School, work, relationships, you name it. And yeah, I'm only 28 years old. The doctors tell me there is no particularly good reason to think that this won't just go away some day--they all say it should. Yet, again, here we are in 2009 and I'm still dealing with it. The headaches may have gotten slightly better, but the stomach/intestinal issues have gotten much worse.
I don't know what to do besides try and live my life as if everything was normal, even though I'm usually in some type of constant pain. If its not my head, its my stomach. I've learned to ignore it as best I can but sometimes it can't be ignored. I try to keep my head up about it and believe that it will get better even though I have no real evidence to suggest it will. Truth is, as long as the headaches continue, no matter how mild, the stomach issues will get worse and worse. Its almost like that has become the more major issue now.
I carry earplugs and a huge medicine bottle with me wherever I go. That's my life, and its my biggest challenge. Thank you, if you actually read all this.
My BJFE- Some special ones. Some standard ones. I love them all just the same.